What have you put up with in a relationship that you really shouldn’t have?

I started putting this blog post together a few weeks ago, and was called back to it by reading this article about a girl who still believed her boyfriend was faithful even after seeing pictures of his wedding on facebook. The comments underneath show that many intelligent people put up with a lot of bullshit in relationships, even though maybe they know they should pack their bags and walk, and then afterwards feel serious guilt and shame for not leaving sooner.

This is a list of things that I or friends of mine have put up with in relationships. They happen to be female experiences in straight relationships, just because that’s who I’ve happened to talk to most about it. I’m pretty sure all of you will have stories like these, regardless of gender and orientation, and feel free to send them over and I’ll add them to the list. It’s strange to see what we all will endure, especially when we are very young and unsure of ourselves. I hope this is comforting to some of you to know that you are not alone in having gone out with some total morons J It’s difficult to say why exactly people put up with behaviour which is, to an outside observer, completely unacceptable. For me I think a lot of it is to do with self esteem. And sometimes you blank out from yourself how awful something is and it’s only when you see the expression on a friend’s face when you tell them about it that you realise how bad it is.

Warning: some of these are mostly funny and silly, some definitely are not and may be upsetting.

  • An hour-long argument before going out because they thought what you were wearing was “too slutty”
  • I dated a guy who thought the withdrawal method was valid for preventing STIs. After we broke up I got tested, and checked with the doctor about it, who looked at me pityingly. I texted the guy to tell him that was not a reliable method of preventing infection, and if he’d been doing that with other people he should get tested. He said I was the only person he’d done that with. Well, thanks for only putting me at risk, that’s sweet
  • On saying “send them my love” when they are on the phone to their family, being accused of flirting with his brother
  • Being guilt-tripped into sex. Which was usually mutually unsatisfactory (unsatisfactory for you because you weren’t in the mood, and for them because they felt too guilty afterwards)
  • Enduring a 1-2 hour sulk because they were jealous that you got upset when Cedric Diggory died in the film Goblet of Fire
  • I was dating a guy who didn’t want to have sex with a condom. It was either no condom, or no sex.
  • His friends having a running joke that one of them wants to rape you. To the point that they recorded a video of him threatening you. Then your boyfriend remembered that he “loved” you and deleted it
  • Being told that he would prefer it if I didn’t wear short skirts as he had just spent a year in Africa and women don’t show their legs there and it makes him uncomfortable
  • Eyes rolling whenever you make a valid argument because he thinks you’re being an irrational/ hysterical woman
  • Cancelling on your friends to be with them, on the phone and saying “I’m so sorry I can’t come” getting off the phone and them having a go about the word sorry and are you sorry that you are with them and how dare you.
  • Them not bothering to get up after sex when you’ve gone round for the evening, and suggesting that you “let yourself out”
  • I’m sorry this is awful, but – being weed on in the shower and then after saying that you would rather they didn’t as it’s a bit strange and disrespectful, them having a full on shout about how unreasonable you are
  • Sleeping on the floor because you are afraid they are going to hurt you but that area at night is more dangerous.
  • Not letting you have a facebook account because that was apparently an intimation you wanted to sleep around
  • Knowing that the guy I was dating kept chatting with some other girl, but pretending it was just a friend. A week after he broke it off with me they are together on FB. I knew it, but I just didn’t want to know it…
  • Them pulling your hair when they think you aren’t paying enough attention
  • My ex asked me what I’d do if someone flirted with me in a pub. I told them I’d say I was in a relationship, so no thank you. Then we had an argument because I didn’t say no because no, but because I was with someone, so if I wasn’t, would I go out with them? I tried to explain I was just trying to be polite but apparently I was being a whore

What are your stories?

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